I think there's a reason grown ups don't play with dolls....

When I was looking through facebook for old friends from school, I stumbled across a friend of mine who used to love Barbies as much as I did.


"There's nothing quite like Barbie love..."

She and I would literally have Barbie marathons, setting up houses and playing for DAYS on end.
It was insane....but it got me thinking about the dolls I had and the hours of fun they provided me with.

Of course back then,we played all the silly little girl housey-housey stuff with our Barbies.
I was a big fan of using my Barbies to play things like the Partridge Family or the Brady Bunch. But I wasn't confined to those kinds of plots.
My imagination was limitless...

I was an Archie's fan. Not only did I have tons of the comics, but my mother was kind enough to bribe one of her man-friends to buy me the Archie, Betty, Veronica and Jughead dolls. (Reggie was sold out or not available...I can't remember.)


"Hey Betty, where's Veronica?"
"Hmmmm I must have run over her on the way here...gee. That's too bad."

I loved those stupid looking dolls.
I used them to rectify the terrible injustice of Archie treating Betty like shit while Veronica always had the upper hand.Let me tell you, I put a lot of effort into making sure that Betty was Archie's number one woman. If I'm not mistaken, I think I stuck Veronica with Jughead and made them kiss often (giggling with glee no doubt after rewriting a plot straight out of one of my many Archie's comic books.)

Of course it was all innocent but can you imagine if I had those four dolls today?
Moog already knows what I'm going to say on account that we have discussed this very thing...heh heh heh...

Being the way I am, the first thing I would have to do is rename my dollies to better suit their rolls.

Archie would become "Arch Me"...a red headed sex fiend hell bent on screwing anything that would allow him. I mean, come on here...he was a "playah" in all the comics.


He played both girls and still chased after more women.

Betty...(because she's my favorite) would become "Butty"...an anal sex freak who isn't afraid to try something new and crazy. Yeah...she seemed a little reserved in the comic books, always allowing Veronica to walk all over her, but deep down, she was just waiting for the right man to unleash her inner nympho...

"Oh Arch Me...you've unleashed my inner nympho!"

Veronica...the uptight, demanding bitch that she was, would become "Vagonica" because of her insistence that sex only be done in the missionary position with the lights out. Think about it and you'll realize how on target I am with this...

"You want me to put it in my mouth? That's disgusting!"

As for Jughead, well I'm thinking that his obsession with food was actually a mechanism to mask his sexuality confusion. That's why he would become "Just Head". He actually ate to try to deny his feelings for other men and even attached himself to Ethel...a woman we all know was crazy about him but definitely safe for him to use as a pretend girlfriend.

"This is just not exciting me...at all."

So...if I were to have the same dolls today, they would be renamed and the roles would be entirely different than they were in my younger days...

Arch Me would attempt to get Vagonica to have sex with him, but he would soon grown tired of her and find Butty, stimulating and exciting.
Just Head would drop subtle hints to Arch Me and because Arch Me is a man whore, he'd probably give old Just Head some action (although I'm sure he'd be pitching and not catching...)

Who knows?
Maybe Butty and Arch Me could convert old Vagonica and make a freak out of her in time.

Er...anyway....

And of course Just Head would be free to explore his sexuality without fear of being targeted. He would be able to find a partner he truly cared about....Or explore his dreams and live up to his potential...


"I've always wanted to be one of the Village People. I just can't decided which one."

Anyhow, I'm sure you've all seen a whole new twisted side of me now.

I just like to keep you guessing....

Honestly I don't know where these thoughts come from....



I think I'd better lay off the tequila.
What do you think?