The emotional vampires in this world LOVE me and they are relentless.
I attempt to disentangle myself from them but they keep coming in droves.
I'm getting pretty fucking sick and tired of it.
The whole irritating thing is turning me into a goddamn bitch.
I need this....
If it weren't for alcohol, I'd be unbearable to be around.
Yeah...
Speaking of sucking me...my nipples of death busted out yet another damn bra. Holes in the same place. Is it just me or is that fucking weird?
I've been in a strange mood lately.
I float in between ecstatic and pissed off.
Maybe it's my medicine?
Or maybe I'm just crazy?
Or both?
I'm horny.
Mr.Man's back is bothering him so that means no "Boinga Boinga" for the past couple of days and I'm sure that's not helping with the being pissed off thing.
Oh yeah...I could restrain him and take what I want but then he wouldn't be able to walk and that would be the major suck!
"What happened to him?"
"He said his wife was so damn bitchy he had to fuck her to shut her up and now he can't walk."
Suck...suck...suck...suck....
For some bizarre reason I enjoy saying that today.
Weird.
I went out for work yesterday and revisited some of the potential customers.
In fact I spent almost 40 minutes just shooting the shit at one place.
It made me wonder...are men just as big gossipers as women are accused of being? Cause these dudes were chatting it up...
We talked about Miss KIA going to college. That opened a FLOOD GATE of conversation. A couple of the guys talked about going to college for a year or so and then dropping out because they partied too much.
That was entertaining...but my favorite story about college was about someone else's niece.
He said she'd gotten really good grades in school and was always a real good girl. Then she went to college.
Let's see...how did he say it again?
Oh yeah...
"She went to college and them legs flew open and that was the end of that."
"I'm in college now! Come get it boys!"
The statement had me in stitches...but the look of horror on the boss' face that the guy had said that in front of me was good too.
Of course it didn't bother me, but I think he was worried because I'm a lady...hahahaha....me...a lady!
BWAHAHAHAHA!
Yeah..they don't know me. They were just going on appearances.
I have been cleaning in my house, HOPING AND PRAYING it will end soon.
I don't think that's going to happen.
For every room I get finished in, another room is reinfested with someone's SHIT BECAUSE THEY'RE FUCKING LAZY!!!!
See?
I told you I'm becoming a goddamn bitch.
Our neighbors are sex maniacs.
We hear her moaning in pleasure ALL THE TIME!
It's funny to see them out knowing what they're doing inside EVERY SINGLE NIGHT! (I'm so jealous...)
EVERY NIGHT! GOD...SOME PEOPLE HAVE ALL THE DAMN LUCK!
Anyway...when we see them out, Mr.Man and I can't help but stare at them. I know it's mean but we are losers who make fun of people sometimes.
It's just that she must go all of 250 or 275 and she is shorter than me (I'm 5'5"). she wears her hair pulled tight in a bun or pony tails, flat against her head (which is not a flattering look for her)and she dresses and acts like she's a kid.
Then her husband is skinny and scroungy looking. He looks like he's just gotten out of prison (which might explain the nightly fuck fest) but you know...they just look mismatched.
Can you picture this....
"Wheee! I dress and act like I'm twelve!"
And this....
"I told them I wanted a different picture of me to put on the sex offenders registry!"
Doing this?
"OH GOD! I can't breathe!!!"
I'm sorry...it freaks me out a little, ok?
Maybe he's the one who's moaning?...ahhh....can't...breathe....pant...pant...moan...
I know...I'm going to hell. I think we've established that already.
Well anyway...I'm going to get caught up on my blog reading.
I've had to practically tie people up to get on the computer so it's been tough. Miss KIA is home all the time now, so she pretty much hoards the computer during the day.
THAT SUCKS!
Think of me every time you hear the word suck today, ok? I'm sure it will make you smile...hahahaha.
"Nipples of Death" sounds like a Kung-Fu Porn
ReplyDeleteand anytime I hear the word "suck" today I'll think of you and how your going to hell for them last pictures you put up, hilarious haha
I wonder nightly what the neighbors must think of us. Hell, Monday we were at it all day long and all the doors were open. Plus since the childrens are gone...I tend to get a little more vocal than normal. Yep. I am sure they heard us. No wonder they keep looking at us like we are freaks. They are prolly just jealous...right?
ReplyDeleteSUCK SUCK SUCK! For you my dear!
My life is about the complete suck right now too. I know how you feel. But, that last picture put a smile on my face. It's too hilarious!
ReplyDeleteYou have acid nipples?
ReplyDeleteI have acid pits.
Awesome.
Am I the only one that heard this and had a crazy thought? I thought if I knew the neighbors could hear me I would have to start shouting out stuff to freak them out. I mean like, "Yes, now use the cucumber! Where's the dog at? Oh God! Tighten the ropes just a bit!!! Oh god!! Pass more waffles over here please!"
ReplyDeleteJust the stuff that makes me smile.
What sized panties do you think that girl wears? Not your neighbor, the one in the picture. Do you think she has to special order them? Or can she like go to Omars House Of Muumuu's and buy them off the rack?
ReplyDeleteThese are the things that keep me up at night.
I am also in the land of suck right now. Me, you, and ETW should form a cult or something. But this post was awesome and put a smile on my face, so thanks for that. Hope Mr. Man's back gets better so you can get some bouncy-bounce!
ReplyDeleteThinking of you always makes me smile.
ReplyDeleteSo, I'm creating a folder just for the funny photos I steal from your blog for later use on my own.
You have nipples of steel, apparently. If you were a superhero you'd be Super Titties.
That's all I got.
Pictures speak 1,000 words and you've said a mouthful.
ReplyDeleteGreat read.
Haven't heard the word once today...I am so disappointed.
ReplyDeleteWTF is up with that?
Well, hell will be a much funnier place when you get there.
ReplyDeleteThe mind reels at the crazy sex stuff that might be going on next door. But then, i'm sick like that.
Wow, I am jealous, you all get more sex than me.
ReplyDeleteI think you remind me of days past, and quite memorable ones they were. I know I can come here and get many laughs. Thanks.
ReplyDeleteWow, you got alot goin on today girl, that does suck. (sometimes it's hard to believe your someone's mom).
ReplyDeleteNipples of death huh? That can't be good. You could just be like the popular girl in Mean Girls and walk around with the nipple-area cut out of your bra, and wear it over your shirt. You'd start a trend.
ReplyDeletethat college picture and story just cracked me the hell up...
ReplyDeletewhere the hell were girls like that when i was in school?
Boinga boinga?
ReplyDeleteI am SOOOO busting that out on my man tonight.
*giggles*
Suck is a good word for today. It totally isn't behaving like a Friday.
ReplyDeleteSUck it! Wooohoo!
ReplyDeleteAlso/ Dd you know there are special primers for morbidly obese peopel that teach them how to boing-boing so that tab A fits into slot B? Yes there are, and please do not ask me how I know...
jibblies.
do men gossip?! is that even a real question? phfft! some men gossip just as much, if not more than women.
ReplyDeletei guess we're all going through the emotionally sucking crap now that school's out.
i love warped mind of ron's comment. it cracked me up!
You and Ron should make a cd of horrible things for nosy neighbors to hear.
ReplyDeleteThey'd sell like hotcakes.
You Rock !!!
ReplyDeleteThat's it...and the fact that you made me laugh with you comment at my place..
but now I have the word "sucks" on the brain...
miss ya girl !!!
:)
WOW ... fun post! You tell it like it is :-)no "Boinga Boinga" made me laugh pretty hard - ha haaaaa !!!!!!!!
ReplyDeleteHello from SpeedyCat
"What's the matter? WHAT'S THE MATTER? I will tell you "what's the matter!" I go out of my way for you! I do everything to try and make you happy. I feed you, I clean you, I dress you, and what thanks do I get? "Oh, you bought the wrong paper, Anne, I can't write on this paper, Anne!" Well, I'll get your stupid paper but you just better start showing me a little appreciation around here, Mr. MAN!"
ReplyDeleteI came to check out the latest comments and laugh my butt off. As I was TRYING to hit the 'back' button on my screen, I clicked "flag blog" in error! If you get any complaints, IT WAS AN ACCIDENT.
ReplyDeleteI'd "undo" it if I knew how.
Sounds like your nips have got teeth. That's what my husband said about my vag, until he found out he had some weird thing going on with his skin...
ReplyDeleteI'm always veering between happy and about-to-kill. Isn't everyone?
And did you think that maybe your neighbour is actually all by herself when you hear her? Just her and the tv set...because otherwise, I have to go puke.
Safe me a seat in hell, will ya?
ReplyDelete