SUCK THIS oh mighty vacuum cleaner....

I fucking hate cleaning.
No really...it's probably on my top ten of things I hate to do.
I've been cleaning for an hour and a half and I've made little or no headway. There are certain things that are always clean in my house, like the dining room table and the kitchen area where I cook, the shower, the toilet and the fridge (somewhat) but as for the rest...well...let's just say that my entire family loves to save junk, except for Veggie Stick who just crams what she doesn't want into places for me to find and toss out later.
The Little Beatle is a slob. My son has recently acquired that nickname because of his hair...



Yep...his hair looks just like that. Of course there is no mustache...yet. His long hair is the topic of many of the neighbors and some of the God lovin' church folk. Last time I checked the pictures of Jesus he didn't have a crew cut or am I mistaken?

Anyway, he isn't really a pack rat, he just drops everything where he stands and leaves it. Totally disorganized. I'm trying to teach him differently but it's kind of like the blind leading the blind.

So...being the cleaning impaired person I am, I try to fumble through and do the best I can. And I hate every minute of it.

So...what are some of the things you hate to do? I have compiled a top ten list of things I hate or strongly dislike...

1. I hate ironing. That damn device is nothing short of an instrument of torture. I always manage to burn myself and ruin my good clothes with an iron mark or two.

2. I hate cherry kool-aid. I don't mind real cherries on occasion but I can't stand that god awful sickly sweet taste of cherry drinks. That goes for cherry flavored lubes as well. If it's covered in it, I'm going to be spitting it out babe.

3. I strongly dislike holier-than-thou people. Can't stand them. I think they probably need to get a life, get drunk and get laid while their at it. Maybe if they allowed their sphincter to loosen up a little, they'd spend more time enjoying life instead of criticizing others for enjoying theirs.

4. I strongly dislike washing dishes. I used to hate it but as I got older I discovered that it eases the arthritic ache in my hands so now I will tolerate it, but I still don't like it.

5. I strongly dislike stupid country music songs. I'm not talking about country music in general. I'm talking about some of the songs they release that have the dumbest lyrics ever. I won't go into detail for fear of insulting someone but some of these songs make me wonder if they wander into a bar, tap some guy on the shoulder who's wearing rubber galoshes and a plaid cap with earmuffs, and ask him if he's ever written a song before. If he says "Yep", then they apparently take it and add music.

6. I hate getting dog poop on my shoes. I can't tell you what a pain in the ass it is to try to scrape something that resembles peanut butter and baby shit off the grooves in your shoes. I threaten to fill a pillow case up with dog poop and beat the child with it who left their poop scoop duty unfinished and caused me to get some on my shoe. It's only happened once that I can remember.

7. I hate oglers. I hate it when men talk to my boobs and act like they've never seen anything like it in their lives. Or when they smile at me like I'm naked. Come on here...talk to me as a person. I am not a receptacle for your pecker. My mouth is being used for speaking to you so stop looking at it like you'd love to cram yourself in it. Grow the fuck up or at least have the decency to hide your lust like most men do.

8. I hate debt or being indebted. I wish everything I own was paid for and I didn't owe anything to anyone. I'm a generous person when it comes to giving, but I will be completely desperate before I ask for anything from anyone. It's weird but it's a thing that bothers me.

9. I hate it that my car is squealing. I want to scream and pull my hair out every time I get into my car. Now don't get my wrong. I love my old car and don't want to part with it, but Mr.Man hates it. He won't fix it for me so I'm going to ask my step-dad to check it out when they come for Christmas next week.

10. I hate it when people don't return phone calls. It's SO FUCKING ANNOYING when you're waiting for someone to call you back, especially when you've asked them to because you need to know something. I just don't think there is any excuse for it. Of course maybe I'm guilty of not returning a call or two but it's only been because someone else in my house has taken a message and forgotten to give it to me. Or like yesterday, someone called my cell phone and didn't leave a voice mail but it dinged like I had a voice mail and when I checked to see who'd called it didn't show up on my missed calls. *shrugs*

Ok. Well that's enough rambling for today. I need to get busy and get Christmas shopping. I can't put it off any longer. It needs to be done. Plus I am still attempting to clean this shit hole I live in. God do I ever need a week alone to clean this place out. I manage to get ahead a little and then the other people who live here come home and destroy all of my hard work. I can't keep caught up, let alone go through the extra stuff that needs going through. Maybe I'll just open one of the windows (which will fall out and Mr.Man will have to replace it with a new one that's sitting in the garage) and I'll start chucking shit out through the window.

I can have my fantasies...

Today's word is "charge". The reason I chose this word is because when I go shop today, someone I'm in line with at a store is bound to say it and I think I can have a lot of fun with this.

Here's my mood...it's appropriate. We'll leave it at that.



Hell yeah I'm in the Christmas spirit...

Shorty....

The other thing I wanted to address yesterday was the MeMe that Trish did about how you got your blog name. Of course I got too busy and couldn't get to it, but oh well...I'm getting to it today.
I thought it was a cute so I'm doing it and if you want to you can too.
HERE is the post by her so check it out for the logistics and whatnot. I'm no good at that kind of thing so reading her post will help ya out much better than me.

My blog name came from a couple of different things. First it was just Huh? Huh is one of the most frequent things I say. I'm almost always confused about everything spoken to me,read by me or seen by me. There is a question running loose in my head for every subject and I'm a perpetual toddler when it comes to questions.
Why? Why? Why?
No...I might not always ask all the questions I have, but you can be damn sure I'll be thinking them.

Of course I added the Blonde Goddess after I received a few emails questioning the validity of my picture.
Yes...that is me.
I don't understand why someone would think it wouldn't be me, except that there are quite a few people who don't post their pictures on their blog.
Anyway...I added the Blonde Goddess after that, taking the name from a pick up line used on me at a gay bar by an attractive lesbian.
(It was the best pick up line, I'd ever heard and had I not been married, you never know what might have happened..LOL)

So...do this MeMe or don't...

I'd like to write more but my tree only has half the lights on it and I need to go help unload stuff for a fund raiser my son participated in.
Plus there are dishes in the sink...dirty clothes piled sky high and I need to vacuum.

Bleh...I hate housework...

My car is squealing too. It's fucking irritating and the mechanic says he can't find anything wrong with it. There is a relatively new belt on it and it will stop squealing when I put water on it. I don't know why, but it does. I discovered this by accident when I was rinsing the car off while it was running and some water got in under the hood. I popped open the hood and sprayed a little water on the belt and it stopped squealing. Belt dressing DID NOT HELP. In fact it made it louder.... Any ideas?
I love my car but I need it to shut the hell up...

Today's word is horny.
I'm horny and I will be making a big deal over it all day.
So there...

Yeah..and you know what my mood is too...so...with that said...here is one of my favorite Ikea commercials.



I might not be the greatest housekeeper in the world but I know what to make sure certain things are put away after I'm done with them...

Just when you think both ends of the stick are shitty.....

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Manopause...it's real

Yeah...I've been thinking...my husband may be suffering from MANopause.
What is manopause you ask?
Well....it's the male version of menopause we women suffer through.
There are sure fire signs that women are going through menopause and here they are...

1. Hot flashes, flushes, night sweats and/or cold flashes, clammy feeling
2. Irregular heart beat
3. Irritability
4. Mood swings, sudden tears
5. Trouble sleeping through the night (with or without night sweats)
6. Irregular periods; shorter, lighter periods; heavier periods, flooding; phantom periods, shorter cycles, longer cycles
7. Loss of libido
8. Dry vagina
9. Crashing fatigue
10. Anxiety, feeling ill at ease
11. Feelings of dread, apprehension, doom
12. Difficulty concentrating, disorientation, mental confusion
13. Disturbing memory lapses
14. Incontinence, especially upon sneezing, laughing; urge incontinence
15. Itchy, crawly skin
16. Aching, sore joints, muscles and tendons
17. Increased tension in muscles
18. Breast tenderness
19. Headache change: increase or decrease
20. Gastrointestinal distress, indigestion, flatulence, gas pain, nausea
21. Sudden bouts of bloat
22. Depression
23. Exacerbation of existing conditions
24. Increase in allergies
25. Weight gain
26. Hair loss or thinning, head, pubic, or whole body; increase in facial hair
27. Dizziness, light-headedness, episodes of loss of balance
28. Changes in body odor
29. Electric shock sensation under the skin and in the head
30. Tingling in the extremities
31. Gum problems, increased bleeding
32. Burning tongue, burning roof of mouth, bad taste in mouth, change in breath odor
33. Osteoporosis (after several years)
34. Changes in fingernails: softer, crack or break easier
35. Tinnitus: ringing in ears, bells, 'whooshing,' buzzing etc.


ALL of the things in bold print are the things Mr.Man has been experiencing lately. now tell me he's not going through MANopause...

I mean, damn it, there has to be an explanation.
I want my Mr.Man back.



Yeah.So we'll have to try to figure out what the problem is so we can fix it. I'm in this for the long haul you know....

I was married once before, to my oldest daughter's father. He was my first boyfriend. He came into my life when it had climaxed at a horrible crescendo.
I was indifferent to everything.
I wasn't afraid of dying. (Dying is easy...it's living that's hard.)
I walked around hiding it all behind smiles and jokes.
I channeled my apathy into empathy but that was before I learned how to forgive.

He was three years older than me and took me places...fed me something besides macaroni & cheese and peanut butter.(the stuff I hid in my room so I have something to eat.)
All of our friends were the same so it was fun...and fun is what I needed in my life.
We dated for a year and eventually I gave into my fear and had sex with him.
It was traumatic but that wasn't his fault. The demons from the rest of my life were perched around us, watching and filling my head with other thoughts.
We fought about it and he dumped me.
Of course by then it was too late.
I was pregnant.

Some might say that the pregnancy was a terrible thing but you know, I don't see it that way.
It saved me.
I finally had someone to love who wouldn't reject me or abuse me or leave me.
I might have stepped into the forest one night and never came back had it not been for that baby growing inside of me.

He hated me for being pregnant. He had great plans to go to Alaska and live with his brother.He had plans and found himself in prison instead.I became a ball and chain to him and he just kept trying to escape.
When he couldn't escape it he just tried to pound and hammer it away. He broke the ball...left dents and scars on it, but the chain remained intact.

I broke the chain. I had to muster the courage to break it because he was too much of a coward to do it. I think he feared what his parents would say.

I didn't leave because I thought I deserved anything better than what I had known my whole life. I left because I didn't want my daughter to grow up thinking that is how women should allow men to treat them.

Eventually, I met Mr.Man.
He wasn't the one I expected to be so kind to me. He was very handsome and he knew it. He was cocky and arrogant and I didn't particularly like him.
Of course in time, I saw the real him, hidden behind the good looks and airs he projected.

I still cried the day we got married because I was terrified.

Of course I was afraid I wouldn't be enough to capture his love for a lifetime.

That of course has not been true. We've endured many things and stayed together. It's been a struggle at times but somehow we've worked it out.

There has only been one other man in my life. I loved him and I still love him. He will always remain in my heart.
Maybe if things had been different we could have made things work but the joy he showed me, as brief as it was, was much too perfect to be real.
Things that beautiful are not allowed...

Yes...today has been somewhat heavy again today, but I write what I need to.

Now I will go dig out my Christmas tree and make memories with my children.
GOOD memories.
Loving and warm and solid memories.

And the next time I write, things will be light and airy again. I can already feel this sharing mode dissipating...

This window won't open very often...but when it does, bear with me...

Just some real stuff...it gets in the way sometimes, you know?

Every morning for breakfast I have two slices of home made bread, toasted with butter, and a chunk or two of cheese.Piping hot coffee tops it off and I feel fortified after I've eaten.
This morning when I looked in the fridge for cheese, there wasn't any.
It left me feeling twisted in knots and almost spinning out of control.
NO CHEESE!!!
For some reason this really upset me.
Does this mean I'm a creature of habit?
After searching through every nook and cranny of the fridge I did manage to find some smoked Gouda, but it's just not a breakfast cheese(in my opinion), so after a bite or two, I tossed it into the dog's dish.

Thus began my day...

I skipped an early morning shower because it was so cold out and figured I'd take a bath later on this morning instead. So I washed up and when I went to dry off,I discovered we didn't have a single clean towel in the house.
Apparently the kids had been using them and leaving them on the floor in their rooms. So I retrieved them when I woke the kids up, eye balling the messes they sleep in and vowing not to get worked up over it.

After all, it wasn't even six am. Why would I want to be worked up over something that early?

Apparently that same philosophy didn't apply to Mr.Man. He got up this morning with a rocket shoved in his ass. He sped through the house getting ready for work, bitching about the kids and how lazy they are. Of course most of his irritated comments were about Ms.Know-it-all.
She can take him from zero to light speed in a matter of seconds. She knows exactly what buttons to push and his temper ignites in a flash.
Honestly, I'm getting tired of it all.
In fact, I'm caught in the middle of their battles. Being around the two of them is like traveling in between two active volcano's.
More and more I end up the brunt of their anger after they've had an argument. No matter how I tippy toe around, I get burned.

I love my family...I do.
They are the sandy beaches that surround my ocean. I can sink my toes into that warm and solid ground and know there is no other place on earth I'd rather be.It's the quiet place I rest my weary body and bask in their love. They keep me together. They contain me and give me something to push against.
But then there are times that same comforting sand becomes a whirling dust storm. Stinging and choking and painful. I can't see where I'm going or where I've been because I'm filled with sand. It's in every nook and cranny and I can feel nothing else.
It's suffocating.

There are days when the sand runs through the time glass and I find strength in knowing that it's constant and predictable. I need that sometimes.
But some days pass when I feel like a prisoner of the hourglass as well. I watch the sand fall and know that every thing I am doing is being timed and monitored. I feel caged up and raw inside.

Loving someone is both an exhilarating and a deflating thing. You find who you are and you lose it among them at the same time.
They blow up your balloon and you float above the rest of the world...
Then they untie the end of it and you fly in wild circles, becoming smaller and smaller until you're empty.

Empty...

Love is such a complex thing.

I just want to be able to fix the storms and calm the seas.
I'm a woman now.
I have choices.
I'm not a victim anymore.
This is my ocean...my beach.
I've drifted for days on end before....hungry and afraid with no sign of land...waiting for death, clinging to life...not knowing which would hurt more.

I've seen broken ships and dead fish, putrid and empty carcasses, polluting my only shore of refuge.
I've picked my way across it,walking it like a mine field, dodging complete destruction but mortally wounding parts of me. Parts of me that died and were buried in watery graves.
I've known pain and suffering...
Pain and suffering...but not much comfort....

I don't want my HOME to be a place of destruction and anger.

I'm tired of it.
I want peace in my home.
I DESERVE PEACE IN MY HOME!

So this morning, I spoke.
It opened the flood gates.
The ground shook and the air filled with acrid,searing heat.
Down came the rivers of lava, racing toward me, melting the flesh off my body, blistering hot pain finding the deepest parts of me.

My tears didn't put out the fire...instead they seemed to act as gasoline.
Trembling, I finally lost my voice...lost myself and lost the desire to think I have any control over anything.

After the volcano had spent it's fury and I was alone, I picked out a beer, and then on second thought, decided I didn't want it after all.

People send messages in bottles...they shouldn't hide in them.

I never hid in a bottle any other time. Why start today?

Hmmm...

So...after laughter and jokes and floating in the sky...just yesterday.
Today....everything's on fire...burning and black.

So I'm going to take a bath...

Tomorrow is a new day and I'm alive.
Sometimes that knowledge is enough....

I am a BAD girl!!!

I've been up to no good.
But let me explain...
There is something about getting spanked that brings out the devil me.



Remember Monday's post where I mentioned getting slapped on the ass by my friend Paxton?
Well...I got him back.

I plotted my revenge on Saturday. I had a million ideas come to mind. I considered the many different things I could do to get him. My practical-joke-a-meter was running at it's best.
I eventually decided on my course of action and set my plan in motion...

Sunday my son had a performance in Charleston at the Marriott. I took a little trip to the mall afterwards in search of the item I needed. I found just the right thing.

Successful, I went home and began working on my strategy.

Sunday evening, my plan was foiled because of unseen circumstances.
Monday morning I also found myself battling glitches....
BUT ON TUESDAY MORNING....SUCCESS!!!

Early in the morning, I drove to his house while he was still sleeping. I parked beside his cruiser(he's a deputy...hee hee hee)and placed a little surprise for him on the rear side of his cruiser, right above the back tire.
I did ask his wife first if he'd get in trouble for such pranks and she assured me that no, he wouldn't. I wouldn't have done it if there was a chance of him getting in trouble for it.

ANYWAY...he got up and left the house for work that morning without noticing a thing.

As luck would have it, the middle school he works at took a little field trip to WalMart. A charity event or something like that. The BUSLOAD of MIDDLE SCHOOLERS arrive at WalMart and Paxton pulls in next to them in his cruiser, giving the kids all a FANTASTIC view of this....



Yeah...that's right. I'm the master...bow before me...worship me if you will, but don't fear my greatness...I'm just gifted. What can I say?

The kids all went BALLISTIC of course, laughing and pointing and screaming. Paxton and the principal walked around to the rear of his cruiser and saw what the commotion was all about. Then the principal ended up giving the kids a good talking to and asked for the one responsible to come forward and admit their guilt. No one did of course (because I was responsible)and she told them she'd pursue it until she found out who did it. When I found out about that part of my prank, I felt bad about the kids getting talked to like that, but in the end I believe they thought it was totally worth it just to see that magnet attached to his cruiser. I bet they'll talk about this for years to come.

Of course I hadn't planned to admit my guilt to Paxton but in light of the kids potentially getting blamed for it, I had to.

He was NOT amused. He ignored my phone calls and finally texted me, telling me that we were EVEN...FOR NOW.

HAHAHAHAHA!!!!

I DOUBT he can get THE MASTER back. I will keep my eyes open but really...how can he even begin to think he can compete with someone like me? No one else is nearly as warped as I am...

So..that is the story of my revenge. I am victorious once again!

The word for today is....snow. That's because it snowed last night and the kids are saying it every two seconds. I've already gotten Veggie Stick with it at least eighty times. She's on the phone right now and I heard her say, "The cold, white, flaky stuff on the ground".
HAHAHA!!!



I really like snow...

Anyway...I'm feeling pretty full of myself today, so here is a good description of my mood....



I KNOW ALL!
I SEE ALL!
I AM!
TAM I AM!!!

Backwards on occasion....

Today I decided to read everyone else's posts before I wrote anything here.Usually I write and then I go check everyone else out, leaving comments where comments are required....
But today I wanted to be different.
Speaking of different, that can be the word of the day.
CLANG..CLANG..CLANG..DING...DING...DING...WHEEEE!!!

I read everyone on my blog roll over there on the side where it says, People who make sense to me. I always get something good out of the thoughts and opinions of the people I read daily, but today I got a huge kick out of Tiff's and BuzzardBilly's stuff.
I'm still laughing....

I plan to begin a new book today because I will be trapped at the doctors office with my daughter for hours. It's Janet Fitch's newest book, Paint it Black.



I loved White Oleander and believe me, the book is much better than the movie. I don't think I will be disappointed with this book either.

Although it's Elderly Hell Day and I would prefer to hole up in my house, I am required to go out in it and travel the treacherous highways. With the scads of huge Maw Maw cars weaving in and out of the lanes, I'll be lucky to make it home alive. I thought getting all the laundry caught up today would be a great feat but I'll be happy if I just live through today. I find that most Tuesdays survival is the utmost thought in my mind....

I was thinking about myself this morning and trying to view myself through someone else's eyes. I mean, I'm not really a normal person...at all. Actually I think it must take a special person to be able to be my friend. There has to be a lot of tolerance involved.
I'm freaky and kooky and silly. Almost to the point of irritation at times. I fart...a lot and laugh loudly at myself when I let a particularly musical or loud fart, often resulting in butt chuckles(many little farts in a row that make my ass sound like it's laughing.)



Yeah...my ass is registered as Democrat..LOL

My mind is wandering so...

I have a question...which isn't being asked for any particular reason, but I'd like some opinions on it.
First, allow me to lead up to it by sharing a little Mr.Man trivia with you.

When Mr.Man and I were first married, before cell phones and GPS technology, he used to go out for entire days without letting me know where he was or even when he'd be home. I didn't CARE that he went out to do his thing,(we've both always been independent people)but I thought it would be considerate of him to let me know where he was going in a general kind of way and what time he would be coming home. Even an estimate would have been appreciated.
I wasn't trying to keep tabs on him, but I wanted to be able to reach him in case of an emergency. Trust issues were not a consideration.
I wanted to know roughly what time to expect him home so I could make dinner or in the event he ended up being several hours later then he had told me, I could make phone calls and make sure he hadn't been in an accident.
Call me a bitch...(he did...plenty of times) but I thought I deserved enough consideration to be informed so I could reach him if I needed to.
Isn't that what relationships are all about? Being there for your significant other if they need you? (This is not the main question I want to ask, by the way)

He's gotten better over the years and we both carry cell phones so we can check in on each other to make sure everything is ok. When he travels out of town, not only do I have his cell phone number, but I have his work number and his hotel number as well. I have the security of knowing how to reach him if I need him.
Yeah...maybe he can't get home in ten minutes but he's there for moral support for me and the kids if we need him.

So...my question....yeah, maybe it does have something to do with a conversation I had with a kid over the weekend....
I talked to this kid I know and he was pretty upset about something.
I guess that when his father is out of town, he seldom answers his cell phone and will NOT give his hotel number to his family for those occasions he can not be reached on his cell phone.

So my question is this....

Why would someone NOT want their family to be able to reach them when they're out of town?

Even with a worse case scenario of arguing between the parents or just needing rest, etc...when there are kids involved, wouldn't you think it would be reassuring for the kids to have a way to reach the absent parent at all times?

I can't IMAGINE a good reason why anyone would do that to their kids.

So can someone enlighten me?

Yeah...well...I've been on here longer than I wanted to, so I need to get off and finish my cleaning before I leave for the doctor's office.

My mood for today....



I'm having a bad hair day and I have to keep my eyes peeled for the Elderly Hell Patrol.
It's very scary for me...

Hopefully I will be back tomorrow....