SOMEONE ATE ALL THE MARSHMALLOWS OUT OF THE BOX OF LUCKY CHARMS AND THEN PUT THE BOX BACK!
That REALLY pissed me off....
It pissed this dude off too...
"Don't be fucking with the goddess' Lucky Charms now..."
I'm just REALLY MAD ABOUT THIS!
FIRST of all...it means some asshole put their little dick grabbers in the damn box and went through the cereal, looking for marshmallows...
SECONDLY...the cereal tastes like little balls of rolled up newspaper without the fucking marshmallows!
THIRDLY....I WAS IN THE MOOD FOR SOME MOTHER FUCKING LUCKY CHARMS!!!!!!!
There...I feel a little better now that I got that off my chest.
I'm slightly worried about my mental health...
Yes...I know that probably comes as a shock to you, but I need to talk about it.
"Are you ready for this?"
Ok...you seem ready so here it goes...
Last night Mr.Man and I were home alone for awhile.
Nice, right?
I was TOTALLY worked up and in the mood to abuse him in so many tasty way....when something happened that actually killed the mood for me.
Yes...I lost the urge...instantly!
This has never happened to me before, so it concerns me.
Let me explain....
Mr.Man was standing in the kitchen reading the back of a box of cereal (yeah...I know...he does crazy shit like that all the time...) ANYWAY...he was standing there and I got to thinking about how scrump-man-dal-ee-icious he is so I got on my knees and unzipped his pants.
I withdrew his Mr.Happy stick and slowly took it in my mouth.
I quickly spit it back out again!
BLEH!
PWTOOEY!
"WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?"
The damn thing was covered in baby powder!
Fucking baby powder!!!!
Talk about a mood killer...
I mean, what the hell?
Does he get out of the damn shower and "POOF POOF POOF" himself in a powdery fit?
It TOTALLY killed all the horny cells in my body.
It took at LEAST 8 hours for my body to replace them all.
This has NEVER HAPPENED TO ME BEFORE!
Hell...I've shrugged off a lot of shit and remained horny under circumstances that would normally kill the mood.
I've been farted on during sex...and it was raunchy...smelled like a dead carcass rotting in Mr.Man's colon,but that didn't kill the mood for me.
The roller shade has flown up, exposing us in the very act of "gettin down and goin to town" and that didn't kill the mood for me...
I've queefed in a very loud manner with poor Mr.Man's ears mere inches from the queefer itself and then laughed to the point of shaking like a bowl of jello (which makes any woman feel SOOO attractive)...and THAT didn't kill the mood for me.
It takes a lot to kill the mood for me, ok?
But APPARENTLY...baby powder kills the mood for me.
Mr.Man will cover himself from head to toe in that damn shit when he's not in the mood to play now!
He has a secret weapon now...an invisibility cloak, so to speak.
But the old goddess here isn't a dumbass...
I have a secret that I will share with you.
This.....
looks like this....
BWAHAHAHAHA!
I will fill the baby powder container with powdered sugar.
Don't worship me...it's actually my glasses that make me smart.
My glasses and determination...they motivate me.
Speaking of motivated...I need to get busy.
See ya tomorrow...
Oh, you are wicked, darling, simply wicked, I can't tell if I'm getting a chubby from laughing my ass off, you have me in tears here.
ReplyDeleteThink I saw that dude riding a bike the other day.
ReplyDeleteDr.Zibbs...you DID see him riding a bike the other day!
ReplyDeleteHe was looking for you because he knows how you like to eat all the mother fucking marshmallows out of the Lucky Charms!
Shiny Rod...I am wicked but in a sweet and magically delicious way...
LOL... now all you have to do is convince him he's not crazy when his aftershave gets all sticky and smells like honey :)
ReplyDeleteReally? I would have told him to rinse off and get back to me. ;-)
ReplyDeleteI am laughing SO hard I just might have a seizure. Powdered sugar...LOL.
ReplyDeleteWell why didn’t you just put it somewhere where you wouldn’t have to taste it? It is unacceptable that it killed the mood for ya’! ;o)
ReplyDeleteETW...I would have considered doing that but the baby powder was on pretty thick (he'd just taken a shower).
ReplyDeleteThe taste was stuck in my mouth and I couldn't even rinse it out.
It was freakin nasty...bleh.
Well hell I'd think he would be disappointed that he missed the opportunity of a good ole BJ and would give up the shit.
ReplyDeleteI think the confectioners sugar is a good way to trick him though. You're one smart blonde.
Oh, I love lucky charms! Someone stealing all my marshallows would have totally killed my morning too.
ReplyDeleteBTW...I'm with you on the baby powder thing, it tastes so nasty!
Someone needs to die for the marshmallow incident. I would find the culprit and make them pay.
ReplyDeleteSorry about the baby powder. The Husband uses it in the summer. I haven't tasted it but cannot imagine that it is pleasant. The powdered sugar switch is pure genius!
That's just the kind of devious trickery I come to respect! Ingenius.
ReplyDeleteIf you use cocaine instead it'll make you all hyper and able to go really fast for a long time.
ReplyDeleteJust saying.
Baby powder? That was very funny to read about but I bet it tasted terrible.
ReplyDeleteI'm a corn starch kinda guy but not there. Crotch and ass-crack, especially before and after being on a horse most the day. Or just in general for some chafing work sweats. And no my thighs don't rub, even in shorts. Under-arms sometimes too. Corn starch...it's natures baby power.
ReplyDeleteWill you hate me forever if I say I HATE the marshmallows in Lucky Charms?
ReplyDeleteYou are so damn clever!!!
ReplyDeleteI snorted on this one...
xo, Mango
I was going to make up some joke about corn dogs...but I thought that might be in bad taste!
ReplyDeleteLucky Charms are still fucking awesome after all these years, and Lucky Charms without marshmallows are like Hall and Oates...without Darryl Hall...just Oates...
ReplyDeleteThat's fucking hilarious! But don't you just know every dog he gets near is gonna be sniffing his crack extra hard. *wonders if sugar causes more chaffing*
ReplyDelete