Blonde impaired....

Is it just me or has anyone else had a hard time remembering everything they're supposed to?
I feel like my head is full of fucking oatmeal. I can't remember shit, so I'm constantly second guessing myself.
Considering that I've only been at my new job for less than two weeks, this development is not a good one. The stuff I've been learning, I should KNOW...without a doubt...once I am told. I've always had the kind of memory where I can be told once, read it once or go someplace once and I KNOW it. But not anymore! I still have to ask poor old Pops if I'm doing shit right or not. ( out of 10 times I am, but I don't feel like I know it yet and that pisses me off. So I annoy him with questions all day long.
He's a good sport about it all though. And he gets to laugh at stuff I do all day long, so I'm not sure if I'm there to help him and Mommy (my other boss) or provide comic relief.

I promise I'll have a decent update before long, but honestly, when I get home at night all I can think about are the codes and the daily time sheet macros I've had my nose buried in all day. I have to learn them all....the codes, zip codes and routes, among other miscellaneous things, so I've been trying to commit them to memory.
And damn it! The memory isn't what it used to be!

Hopefully my brain won't be fried much longer. I wanted to update last night because I MISS writing in here! I have a lot on my mind but I'm too worn out to purge it. So let's hope I can walk in the door, make dinner and clean up and think long enough to get it all written down soon....

I'm still loving my job too. I don't mind the long days as long as I am busy. But you all know that's how I am anyway. I stay busy even when I'm home,so working nine or ten hours a day doesn't bother me. It's trying to remember everything that's draining me. But I have no doubt it'll come in time.

Be patient with me! I'm adjusting and then I'll be back here in rare form once again!

ZOOOMMMM..hack*sputter*clang*clan*shudder*die....

My fucking car broke down.
So tell me this, why the hell do things like this happen?
Is there a no-sex for you, you'll gain ten pounds just smelling chocolate, and now you'll be hitch hiking to work curse on me?

I left work yesterday and my car was fine...except the air conditioner wouldn't work. So I was annoyed but you know, you can live without an air conditioner. So I zoomed home where Veggie Stick was waiting for me to pick her up and bring her to buy a new pair of ballet shoes. I kissed Little Beatle, who was on his way out the door to a Power game with his little twin buddy, and proceeded to drive like a bat out of hell to the dancewear shop.
Now normally, most people aren't going to race around a corner and slide into a parking spot squealing their tires all the way, but I had no choice yesterday.

Picture me, in my jeans and t-shirt, work gloves sticking out of my back pocket...sweaty, dirty AND sexually frustrated (which translated to pissed off at the world) leaping out of my beat up station wagon that looks like a pack of wild dogs live in it, and little Veggie Stick, walking through a crowd of pretty little grly girls and their fashionable mommies, stepping out of their SUV's and Volvo station wagons.

I'm sure I raised more than a few high brow eye brows....

Whatever...

So we went in the shop and did our business in five minutes flat, with five to spare before they closed and headed out to the car.

THAT'S when it shit the bed....well...started to shit the bed.

I heard it begin to knock, so I cautiously made my way home, breaking the news to Mr.Man over the phone.
Thankfully I did make it home and Mr.Man says he thinks he knows what's wrong with it. So that's good. Now we'll just have to see if he can fix it or not and how much it's going to cost me.

In the meantime, I'm driving his Jeep, which really bothers him for some strange reason. I mean, I've driven standards for longer than he has, so I don't get it, but maybe it's a man thing.

So that's all for today but I will leave you all with a question...

Does it bother you when your spouse has to drive your vehicle? If so then why?

Bucket hats and boobies!Swedish things everyone needs...

OK...so I'm apparently going to need an adjustment period to get used to this job thing. It's not that I'm a wimpy weakling or anything like that....



It's just that I'm working during the day (which I love by the way) and then I come home to the house and I have all that work to do.
It's just occupying my time AND my thoughts.

Creative juices? What's that? As far as that goes, there are no juices flowing...if you get my drift....



God, what a waste....

Anyway, it's not for lack of trying. Last night I'm feeling like a wee bit of a cuddle, you know? So Mr.Man says to me, "Ok, then. Put on a pair of stockings and we'll see what happens."

Now don't get me wrong. I don't mind playing dress up, but I was in the mood NOW and did NOT want to dig in the toy chest for thigh highs. So I said, "Can't we skip the stockings?"
And get THIS SHIT...he said, sure, and ROLLED OVER AND WENT TO SLEEP!

I was so fucking mad that I was frothing at the mouth...

And they say that women are too tired for sex when they work....LIES! ALL LIES I TELL YOU!!! DAMN THEM!

I sat down to download my pictures and realized that the USB cable has shit the bed. Yep...it's KAPUT! OY VEY! (Can I say that even though I'm a Swede?)
Speaking of the whole Swedish thing...
Not only am I in tune with that whole coffee, drinking, fish eating, polka dancing persona...(not to mention the Swedish erotica...heh heh)..I am the proud owner of a Swedish Flag bucket hat.
It's cool as shit...
Of course it's not this hat....



This hat is the shit as well. I want this hat too..in case anyone is stumped on what to buy me because they love me. OK?...

You know, I hate to say it but my brain is fried, it's after ten in the P.M. and I need to get to bed. Who knows? Maybe I'll dig out the stockings and put them on Mr.Man and see what happens, no?

BWAHAHAHA!!!!

OH hell...the camera's not charged...maybe I'll wait for another evening.

I have a job! What the fuck?!?!

Today was the first day of work for me.
I will be working dispatch and there is a lot to learn. Today was just the tip of the iceberg. I kind of learned the computer programs and went through the daily routine. The guy who is training me said it took him months to learn everything and for me not to get discouraged at the slow pace at first. Of course it almost made me insane to just sit and wait and watch and not be able to dive right in because I wanted to DO something.
Guess I'll have to learn how to sit still a little, huh?
Meh...that will only be temporary. Once I learn everything, I'll be able to stay busy all day and THAT will make me happy.

Ok...so enough about work....let's talk about Maine.

Maine was interesting enough this year. Mostly because of my mother and her drama. She is a very controlling and self centered individual. The first two days I stayed at Nana's was great. The kids and I had a chance to visit and relax. It was very nice after not seeing her for two years.
Then my mother arrived.



She literally walked in the door and said her hellos and proceeded to kick me and my family out of the house. I'm serious. Nana's house only has three bedrooms. Nana had her room, Mr.Man and I had the big bedroom with the double bed like we do every year and the other smaller room with twin beds had been prepared for my mother and step-dad.
Well that wasn't good enough for her. For some reason she expected the big room.
Now let me explain about the big room. Yes, it's spacious BUT not only do Mr.Man and I sleep in there, Little Beatle sleeps in there on a blow up mattress and we shove all five of our suitcases in there. Before the kids all got bigger, we ALL slept in there with a cot wedged in between the wall and the bed and the girls on blow up mattresses.
Yep...big room crammed full of people. I could compare the sleeping comfort to that of an entire Mexican village being smuggled across the border in the back of a truck....



Of course whatever the bitch of the universe wants, she gets so she came in the door and then walked up to me and made some shitty comment about not wanting to put Nana out of her room and says she and my step-dad are going to have to go stay at a hotel because there is no place for them.
Total dramatics and completely not true. Nana was never going to be put out of her room.
I of course had my own thoughts on a "place for her".



But anyway...in the interest of maintaining the peace, I packed our shit and moved the entire family out of the room and throughout the house instead. Mr.Man and Little Beatle slept in the small room and the girls and I slept on blow up mattresses in the living room and den.
The whole thing was a bunch of unnecessary bullshit and started the entire week off on a shitty note. It just got worse from there, so after two nights I moved out to my brother's house. It's a beautiful place and there's lots of room, so it was fine with me...not so fine with Nana but my mother is Nana's baby so she's certainly not going to say anything to her. Course that's another tale for another day...today is not the day to tell it.

This post is kind of ranty isn't it?



Eh well...I needed to bitch a little because trust me, she was in rare form this year. Next year I'd prefer to go up there when she's not there. She comes over here to see me anyway so that way she'd have her time with everyone and I'd have my time. It would just work out better, trust me. There'd be no competition as far as her getting all the attention and she wouldn't have any reason to do the stupid shit she does because she feels slighted. It's so idiotic I'm almost embarrassed to write about it.

Let's move on to a few of the good things about Maine this year....

Her bullshit gave me ample excuses to drink. I tried a new beer too.I picked it up in Bangor at Swetts on Hogan Road. We are in the habit of stopping there on our way through and imagine my delight at seeing a new addition to their store. An entire section of local or unusual beers and wines! The beer I purchased is actually not a beer really but more of an English barley wine and at 115 alcohol content it can turn you into a blithering idiot if you're not careful...



Yeah...that's the name of the beer...Blithering Idiot.
We enjoyed a couple two, three and then took this picture....



I swear to god Mr.Man can't hold his liquor like I can. It must be the Viking genes that allow me to consume large quantities of alcohol with only occasional nudity or brawling as a result.
Mr.Man? He gets a huge case of the dumbass...
God I love that man.

Ok...so that's all for now. I have to wash clothes, read blogs and pack me a lunch. Do you know that I couldn't find a coffee maker at work today? The whole establishment would be involved in a major riot if it were located in Sweden.
No coffee???
That's just fucking creepy. I'm hoping I overlooked it...pray for me.

See ya tomorrow!

Like a bad penny....I keep turning up

Yep.
Here I am.
Although there are pictures of my journey back home, you'll have to wait a few days to see them. I'm still shaking off the travel fatigue and honestly there are only a few pictures that are funny. The rest are scenery and Mooses and stuff like that.(YES DAMMIT I KNOW MOOSES ISN'T A WORD! I just like how it sounds.)
Anyhow, one very funny picture is a shot of me with some people where I have the camel toe from hell. It looks like my HooHa is trying to eat my shorts. I'm going to have to remember to feed that thing before I go out in public...(especially when I'm drinking.)But yeah, it's pretty funny. When I sobered up the next morning and saw it I laughed until I almost pissed myself.



Ok...so maybe when I sobered up I had actually pissed myself but tell me, who hasn't at one time or another? I know you have so let's not even go there, ok?

This years trip was, as I mentioned before, kind of quiet. It was mainly due to Upsda's cancer and a few other family related issues. The latest on Upsda is that he's in Hospice now and they're not giving him much time...maybe a couple more weeks. One of the tumors is blocking his intestines so he's not able to eat.It's a liquid diet for him and then it'll be a feeding tube. That's not helping matters and apparently that will be partially responsible for his rapid deterioration. He's still going out fighting though. When they first brought him to hospice, they tried to feed him a protein shake. He spit it out and told them it tasted like shit. They explained that he needed to try to drink it so he'd get a little sustenance in his body. He told them he'd drink that nasty shit if they'd bring him a bourbon and coke to wash it down with. They probably didn't want to bring him a drink but they did it and they've brought him whatever else he's asked for too. He said if they wanted to feed him a liquid diet he'd actually make an effort to drink,all they'd need is a beer hat and an unlimited supply of Bud Light.



Sounds just like him. He will be missed...

The Beericksons also had their own crisis. Apparently Pukey suffered a heart attack several days before the big Beerickson bash. The stressful job she has probably contributed to that. So the big bash was canceled and although she is doing fine now and the heart attack was a mild one, it put the skids on the heavy drinking. Every one of the Beericksons is scared shitless that their way of life is leading them down a one way street toward certain death...or worse...a stroke that will permanently put them in a wheel chair and a supersized Attends. I'm curious to see how long the fear will last. I'm betting a month at the most. They just weren't meant to be the sober kind. I'm serious. Maybe Pukey could do it, but the boys? Never! There's more chance of them all joining a Monastery...



My other cousins had a party though so we went to that instead.More cousins were there and we heard about a couple of other parties coming up later in the month. It seems that if we were to go up there the latter part of July next year, we'd be able to hit up the Pig Roast at my other cousins, the Trashedaleens, which sounded like a very good time indeed.(Yes...most of my cousins are drinkers,well,much like me.)

I'm a realist and let's face it...there's not much to do in Northern Maine except drink and have parties. Everyone has huge yards and big houses, so people get together and eat and drink, then they crash, either in the house or in a tent. If you fall asleep outside you're taking your chances. You'll wake up with enough mosquito bites to make you look like a small pox victim OR you could find yourself cuddling with a bear or a moose. Passing out while you're outside and there is no one sober to babysit you is a BAD idea.



Moose aren't the brightest animals, ok?

We stayed with my brother most of the time. Miss KIA got the flu on the way up and had to travel while she was sick. We offered to stay at a hotel but she didn't want to waste the time. She slept most of the way anyhow so she didn't seem any more miserable than she would have been had we been in a hotel room with her instead. Of course Little Beatle ended up sick just a few days before we left, which put a monkey wrench in our plans to visit Bob and Judy in Plymouth. That really sucked. Of course it couldn't be helped so maybe we'll be able to see eachother next year instead.

I know this is kind of a shitty update but honestly I'm still brain dead from the trip. I unpacked yesterday and cleaned and I'm wiped out. Slowly, I'm emerging from the coma I'm in....slowly...

And for those of you who made the comments about having internet in Maine. Yes, some parts of Maine do have internet. The place that I was in? Not so much. Slow dial up and forty kids trying to get on the computer to check their MySpace pages. It was hell. I didn't even get a shot of the Smoking Fish anywhere. My family doesn't have a printer that works. As you can see, they're not so concerned with modern technology as they are with watching the sun set or making sure the black and white TV on the porch will tune into the Sox game...



Yeah...things move at a little slower pace where I come from...maybe that's not such a bad thing huh?

I'll be back tomorrow and I'll be a little more...peppy? Yeah...peppy...hahaha...

HEY!

This is just a quick little something to let you all know I'm still alive. The Internet connection is slow here at best, and the access to the computer is limited. There is one computer, on dial up, and more than ten people wanting to get on the computer.

I miss everyone and plan to sequester myself for a full day so I can get caught up on everything.
I've taken a million pictures and today we were invited to the Lake Man's place for a cook out.
Er...yeah...I'll be writing about that one.

Things have been quiet this year. None of the family on my Pa's side came up to visit from southern Maine and New Hampshire. Upsda is in the hospital with aggressive cancer. It started as a tumor in his brain and spread rapidly, so Goldie, along with all the kids have been with Upsma, being supportive and waiting for the inevitable.
It may be a couple of days before he passes or it could be a couple of weeks. He's got blood in his urine and has developed pneumonia. They're sending him to hospice tomorrow.
Keep them all in your thoughts would you?

Anyway, that's all I have for now. The kid are chomping at the bit and trying to see what I'm doing. I'll write again as soon as possible. We'll be here a little longer before returning home.

KISSES!!!!